Friday, 15 April 2011

Voluntary Dyslexia

I'm becoming genuinely concerned for the deterioration of our English language, over the last fifteen years we've seen the introduction of so many news ways to communicate, gone are the days of actually sitting down to write a letter, think about it, how many times have you actually struggled to find a pen and paper when asked to do so the end result being you actually end up writing on the side of a cereal box or pretending to write it down.

New age communication all started with the text message, to begin with we didn't really welcome it with open arms, but fiercely this faceless piece of communication has embedded itself into our society and spread across the world like a strain of virus tearing apart our ability to spell and be grammatically correct, fifteen years on and the virus has split our society into two, those who wish to respect our English language and those who have become so lacking in intelligence they've forgotten how to use it.

What's even more shocking is that our Government has even considered allowing text speak in examinations, the education system we provide to students is a foundation step to forming the UK of tomorrow and a measure of the student's intelligence and ability, how can we possibly excuse a student's stupidity?

To be quite frank I think it's rather alarming that a Government would even consider it, surely by the examination stage a teacher should have identified their student's lack of ability to grasp the English language, or was he/she to engrossed in.. "Wht R U @ dis wekend"

This new 'voluntary dyslexia' has leaked it's way into every piece of communication available, when you log onto facebook it's there, when I receive emails at work from professionals it's there, it is no longer just reserved for a quick text message, people are starting to adapt text speak as their foundation language, it's become it's own language. I just get so frustrated when there is a fully functional key board sitting in front of someone that they still fail to complete a sentence.

This new group of people displaying a hindering of progress in normal communication functionality are becoming socially inept, it's now a prerequisite for many people that a prospective friend or partner has the ability to string a sentence together. We would never socially exclude someone with dyslexia, we're supportive because it's not within their control, but the ultimate frustration with people who reverberate this new age language through everything that they do is because it's voluntary!

Looking at how bad it has become and that I can clearly see I'm not the only person who can see it, lets have a look at what you do to help your friend that suffers from voluntary dyslexia;

I've listed a few treatments-

1) When your friend sends you a text reply with- "I didn't understand that grammatical mess could you reword it in the English language and send it back to me?

2) Only ever send your friend perfectly punctuated, spelt and grammatical master pieces in every bit of communication you send, should they text you back and ask you to reword I would be concerned that voluntary dyslexia may no longer be voluntary.

3)Buy your friend a book, I know this may be breaking boundaries, but they may be pleasantly surprised to learn that the English language does still exist in it's fullest form, don't buy Shakespeare, think of this first book like foundation English and think of Shakespeare as advanced, on that I would even consider Harry Potter as advanced as the made up words in Harry Potter may only increase confusion with your friend, the last thing we want is that your language ignorant friend tries to enrol at Hogwarts to improve their English.

If the treatments don't work then most definitely give up, I wouldn't bother attempting any type of pilgrimage to rescue the English language, you'd probably most likely find a note when you get there-

"Gne In2 hIdin cn't cpe wit dis"

I'm not asking that anyone becomes a sesquipedalian (one who uses long words) but a great start would be that you ensure that you never fall victim to this horrid virus, which in essence is just blatant stupidity. 

Thursday, 14 April 2011

"Do you need a bag?"

I thought I might write about how pressured it's become to be environmentally friendly and to start conforming to this 'organic' way of life. I currently have four different bins at my house and the only thing I'm completely sure of is, is that I throw rubbish into them, a few years ago my hamster died and I wasn't entirely sure what bin he had to go into?

Do I really want to at the end of  a meal to have to separate my rubbish like a homeless man foraging for scraps of food, perhaps the ideal solution would in fact be that, to get a homeless man to sort through the rubbish in return for the rejected domino pizza crust's I never eat, I know they provide that nice garlic dip to dunk your crusts into but I just don't like them.

My Council have just recently left the fourth bin at my house which is to be used for food waste and as they left their new eco friendly "made with 100% non-recyclable toxic plastic only friendly in colour bin" at my door it was accompanied two days later with a delightful £20 increase a month in council tax. With it getting a little bit tougher for all us to live I thought it might be a huge incentive for us to recycle if we seen that return in our council tax?

Recycling is saving our Council and Government money but when will we start to see that? Just recently Manchester City Council started an incentive for city recyclers to earn prizes for how much they recycle, you could win any number of prizes including ipods or tickets to a local club.Well I'm sorry whilst some of us barely struggle to live and the amount that we recycle may be limited due to fact that some people are struggling to complete a weekly shop, I don't see this as any type of incentive at all, as were fat cat John and his family who devour Marks and Spencer's Simply Food range every day will be recycling a lot more than our average working class family, unfair advantage for our over weight middle class friend, I think so.

"Oh thanks for this I-POD that I can't afford to put music on, or these free club tickets shall I wear my re-usable Tesco shopping bag to the event?"

How applicable are these prizes to the wider community? Lets really think long and hard about this and the solution really isn't that far away, people are struggling to live so the money our exhaustive recycling saves, give some of it back to us.

I would want our Council to look at showing us a type of eco tax refund every time they deliver a new statement to us, that way we can justify why it is exactly we recycle, I know that there is of course all the environmental benefits before anyone starts banging on about the god damn polar bears, but we all work for our own benefit and If I'm going to separate my  rubbish across four bins then the money my council save on this I would like to see a percentage of that refunded back to me on my next statement.

Money talks, especially to the absolute dregs of society who'll barely be able to open a bin lid never mind separate it across four different colours of bins. There is a clear reason why most of them don't work and it is possibly that their only contribution to society is the Jeremy Kyle entertainment they adore our television screens with but lest I digress here is a solution, why can't the under class who are currently on a permanent state holiday that we're all paying for separate my rubbish for me? I will admit I'll far from the make the job easy for them, I'll enjoy mixing a cocktail of rubbish with some bean juice poured in for good measure.

The point I'm trying to make is, that whilst I recognise the importance for us to be environmentally friendly and plan for the 'children of tomorrow' (and let's hope there intellect spans further than some of the re-medials leaving our education system at the minute) No one in this current climate is thinking about the future, their trying to live today and their scared of what tomorrow might bring, thousands of working class families are unwillingly failing to plan for tomorrow, we're paying the penalty of a poorly ran country and whilst we live in difficult times we're suppose to rest easy with the thought that the children of tomorrow won't have to, f**k that. I want a return on the mistakes my Council and Government have made today, whilst the amount I have to give you keeps growing and growing, the amount we get back gets less and less.

I don't think I will be recycling my rubbish across four bins, I don't have time. It's a catch 22, you take more money off me and I have to work harder to live. I want to see the benefit of my recycling today I don't care that little joey in 2050 will be skipping through an eco friendly city whilst the cast of Walt Disney accompany him singing an impromptu tune of how bloody fantastic the world is, I'll be nearly dead!

"Do you need a bag?"

"Yes please, it's the only free thing I'm getting right now"